It’s been a slow blogging week. I’m not sure why… I haven’t been particularly busier than other weeks. And yet I have just felt unavailable to my blog. Maybe that’s okay. Maybe I just need to embrace it when that happens. My only fear is that if I embrace it for too long, I will end up abandoning my blog for months at a time, like I did earlier this year!
I think one reason for feeling this way lately is that I never intended for this to be a pregnancy blog. I don’t always just want to write about being pregnant, and yet every aspect of my life right now is wrapped up in the fact that my body, mind, and emotions are going through this atypical experience that is entirely new to me. And it changes everything.
I will say that I have been enjoying pregnancy a lot more in the past month or two than at any point before! But it still seems so very strange to have my life completely hijacked like this. I know that is what parenting is—a total takeover of your life… for the rest of your life! And I’m cool with that. Maybe I just didn’t realize it would start so soon!
Emotionally, things have been up and down lately. All in all, I think I’m doing a pretty good job of navigating the raging hormones in my body and keeping things on a fairly balanced scale. And then, of course, there are those times when my brain just seems to fly out the window and abandon me to my instincts. But I’m surviving!
I am 30 weeks and 4 days pregnant now, and am feverishly trying to wrap my brain around everything that I need to do to prepare for the birth of this baby (mentally, physically, at work, at home, etc.)! I feel like one of these days my brain might explode from all of the facts, fears, and emotions it is attempting to store… but then, it never has before. And that gives me hope!
Every day I continue to work through my fears, one step at a time. I’ve learned that I am stronger than I often give myself credit for, and I think I am actually starting to believe that my fears don’t have to control my experience. This is not easy for me, but I am slowly making progress. Above all, I am learning to trust that God is, in fact, with me and will sustain my life according to His plans for me.
And through it all, I am grateful. I must continue to remind myself that I am grateful, because sometimes the little frustrations of life can make me forget. But they are not worth a second thought. Because life is precious and beautiful. And I don’t want to miss any of it!