Today is a significant day.
Today is the 10-year anniversary of my final recovery from binge-purge type anorexia.
I’ve been thinking about this day all year long—conceptualizing the brilliant blog I would put out to commemorate it and imagining the sense of triumph I would feel as I celebrate the victory. I’ve thought about how special it would be if I spontaneously went into labour today so that I could forever share this special date with the birth of my daughter.
But now that it’s here, today doesn’t feel all that special. Hear me out. I don’t mean to say that I’m having a bad day, or in any way disappointed or upset or feeling negative emotions of any kind. In fact, I feel great! I am excited, and grateful, and full of joy. I just mean… I didn’t wake up today feeling particularly different than any other day. Though it is a significant anniversary that I do cherish and celebrate in my heart, in a lot of ways I don’t necessarily feel a distinct emotional connection to it anymore.
And maybe that’s the real beauty of today. Maybe the real beauty of it is that I have truly moved on. Although small pieces of my past come back to haunt me every once in a while (for example, when I am faced with a new reality like pregnancy), in general I simply don’t identify anymore with the girl I was when my eating disorder controlled my life.
I am new person. I am a free person! I am an overcomer who has conquered my eating disorder and put it to rest for good.
So I’m not throwing a party to celebrate today. Because I don’t need to. The truth is that I celebrate the wonder and the miracle of my recovery every single day that I accept myself for who I am and boldly live the new life I have been given.
I celebrate it with every meal that I prepare, every bite of food that brings nourishment to my body, and every flavorful treat that I enjoy.
I celebrate it in the love that I have developed for my beautiful pregnant body, and the precious baby that God has allowed me to carry for these past 39 weeks.
I celebrate it when I look in the mirror and see the reflection of a strong, confident woman who not only knows herself, but appreciates herself… and learns to love herself more and more each and every day.
I celebrate it each time I choose to say no to insecurity and instead allow the loving God who created me to be the voice that reminds me of my true value and purpose in life.
Today is a significant day. And I can celebrate today! But I can also celebrate every day… because every day is another day that I get to be alive.